Enough...

Have you ever been told that you are not good enough?
Want to know how it feels?
Let me tell you about it...

You feel worthless. You feel that everything that you have is for naught. That you might as well have been sleeping instead of putting yourself out there and helping some one. It feels like you were punched in the stomach, or some one popped a balloon in your face. You worked hard, it is work, but "you could do soo much more". But what about if it makes you happy? If it fulfills you? Nope, unless you are educated and work in an office whatever it is that you do is worthless.

Yes, I baby sit, I work for Chabad, and I work for my mom. No, I am not in school, I do not have a bachelors degree and I do not want to go to an some ivy league college. I do not work in an office, I do not make "a lot" of money. Who makes the decision of what is "a lot" and what is not? Baruch Hashem right now I do not require "a lot". I do not want a lot. Money is a big responsibility. One not to be taken lightly.

You know what I do though? I make a difference.

I watch these children grow up. I develop a bond with them. I get a taste of motherhood, of teaching. I learn with them, spend time with them, hold them when they cry, and learn to say "no". I learn valuable lessons for life, lessons that I would not learn some where else.
I get first hand knowledge on what it means to be a Rabbi. To plant seeds of Torah and then see them sprout. I get to learn and be surrounded by Torah. I spend my day enveloped in Kedusha. I see the mesirut nefesh it takes to rely on others, to always be there for others. I see what it means to connect to each and every person on their own level. I see what it means to raise your children in an open environment and yet keeping their neshama's so pure. I learn reponsibility. I learn time management.

All of these lessons are more valuable and will assist me in raising my family, the most important thing for me and the most meaningful. Look, I am not saying that money is meaningless and that it is unimportant, but it is not the end all be all of my life. It does not define my worth. I am not worth how much money is in my bank account.

Enough! Enough telling me that I am not enough. Enough already! I am doing enough!

Tati, enough already of this galut! Bring us home! We deserve some shalom, don't we? Has it not been long enough?