I MISS HOME

בס"ד

I want to go Home. I feel disconnected. I feel as if one of my limbs in missing. I feel uncomplete. Sometimes I feel angry that you took me away. That I'm here. Sometime I feel like I am drowning in the sadness and despair. Sometimes I feel so much at once. Abba, please open up their hearts, let me come home with brachot. I do not want to be the reason they are angry, or upset, or sick or are turned off, but please, I can not be here forever. I can not grow here. I can not live here. I want to come Home. This is not Home. This is not where we are meant to be. Please Abba let me come Home, let all of us come Home. Do not let them take it away from us,. Please Avinu, do not destroy us for all of our sins. We are not perfect, we are not keeping your Torah, we are not being a good public relations team for you, but please, do not destroy us because of it. Please bring us Home, all of us, now! I have no right to be angry with you, it is not your fault that we are messing up and voiding your torah. It is entirely on us, but I am trying, I am trying to make tikkun. But I can not do everything, and I can not make tikkun for everybody. I do not belong here. I do not need so many choices, that is not freedom. I do not want to see it and hear it, to be around it, to be around those who say they keep the 10 commandments but who really do not. Why me Abba? Ma ata rotze mimeni? I want to build my own home, full of Torah and Ahavat Yisrael, both the people and the land. I know that we are family, and we are all part of one body, and that we are all responsible one for another, but this is torture Abba. I feel like I am slowly being torn apart, being stripped naked and every aspect of my life anylized. It is ugly here, it is fake here, the people here are zombies, and they want me to be one also. ABBA, I WANT TO GO HOME!!!!!!!!

This post may sound childish, but I am a child. I am Hashem's child and I am in a foreign land and I feel lost and alone and scared, because so many of my brothers and sisters are stuck in foreign lands. And sometimes I get angry and sad that we are still in these foreign lands, that we have not suffered enough, nor have we done enough to merit coming Home, home to Eretz Yisroel. A home that we have today yet are willing to give up tomorrow. And I know that if we do not want it enough, then we will not have it, becuase this is not a dictatorship that we have with Hashem, it is a partnership that we have, we have to work for what we have. We have to work harder then we have ever worked before if we want to stay in the Land and have the rest of us stuck in foreign lands come Home. I know that I am here to make tikkun, I do not know exactly which tikkun, but I really miss Home. I would much rather be making tikkun like Rutima and Saba, by living in and loving the land. But Abba has decided that I must be here, but you must know that I am not all here, I am much more SHAMA than PO, that I do not want to be here, and that I am begging you not to keep me here for long. I need your help Abba, because I know that you will let me come Home once I have completed my tikkun, so I am asking you to please show me the way. Show me the way home. Show all of us the way Home, home to Eretz Yisroel, show us the way Home to You, Abba, show us the light of Moshiach Tzidkeinu, bimheyra, beyameinu, Amen!