Life in the Fast Lane

Dear Blog,

I hope that you are not upset with me for  not writing. I have had many thoughts that I would like to share with you, but somehow they never made their way out of fingers and onto the screen. But lately I have been reading many new blogs, coupled with the desire to write..so here I am!! I have many thoughts at this time that I would like to share with you, but I will try to stay on topic for the sake of time and attention spans.

Have I mentioned before that life/time moves at an alarmingly fast pace!!!! Its really quite fascinating. On a global level that it has been two thousand years since our Holy Temple was destroyed, on a personal level that I have been married for half a year! Or that this coming November marks a year since I met my husband! I could go on and on, but what I really want to focus on is the fact that in just 6 short months, I went from having just an egg, to a full (albeit tiny) human being grow inside of me, all under the complete direction of Hashem Yisbarach.

Every second of every day Hashem is willing the tiny person into existence, and directing every single aspect of its growth! Which means that even in those moments when I think that Hashem is not near me, or close to me, its just my Yetzer Hara, because really, He is with me every single second of every day.  And not only because He is willing this child into existence and growth, but He is willing me into existence every second of everyday!!!! Wow.

And there is more!! I have been chosen, by this baby's neshama and Hashem Yisbarach to be the vessel through which this child will enter the world and Gd willing bring light into this darkness. I was chosen! My husband and I were chosen!!! 

I have had a few of my contemporary's who are not yet frum, or not yet "ready" to get married  ask me whether I am "ready" to be a mother. The question of being "ready" for something is a discussion in itself, but you know my answer? If Hashem thinks that I am ready, then that means that I am!! Because He would not give me more than I can handle. Interesting though, with motherhood I feel calm and "ready", but with other things..hmm...sometimes I think it is just too much and that I wont be able to deal. I guess that is something I must work on, to remember no matter how difficult things may seem, that it was custom designed by Hashem Yisbarach and that He wants me to get past it and has given me the tools I need to do so. Easier said than done, huh?

Tatti, thank you for having faith in me even when I dont necessarily have faith in myself. And thank you for benching me with the most amazing husband in the world (may he live and be well ad 120).And thank you for benching us with the opportunity to bring a life and a light into this world. And please bench Klal Yisroel with the Geula Sheleyma very, very, very soon Abba. Allow my husband and I the zechus to raise our family in a different reality from the one in which we are currently in. Allow your children to be reunited in love and brotherhood in Eretz  Hakodesh with Moshiach Tzidkeinu mamash NOW. We are ready Abba. And even if we are not ready, please have rachmanus on us, and bring Geula. As quickly and important it is for the goyim to hurt us and try to destroy us, may you "quickly, quickly" redeem us! Amein, may it be so.

Good Shabbos