Lets Talk

Lets talk because we have not talked in a long time..even though it may not seem so long to other people, to me it seems like an eternity..
Its been a long day..you know, one of those days that you just have a feeling about? That things are just going to keep piling up and the whole day you are asking yourself "Can I handle this? Can I handle any more?" And on top of that, it was one of those days when due to lack of sleep, I just could not wake up fully. I think it has something to do with the crumminess...But Baruch Hashem, I made it.. I made it without yelling, without crying, without freaking out. I kept my cool, stayed safe on the road, took care of the kids with love and attention, and smiles and kisses and hugs. I survived, because I knew that I could. Because I knew that Hashem would not give me more than I could handle. Because you guys were helping me and guiding me and were there for me when I needed you most. Today's survival was truly a team effort.

But it was hard, because every time something happened..or I thought I could not do it, all I wanted to do was talk to you..to tell you, to ask for your advice, to hear your voice. But I stayed strong..I curbed my temptation..it was a hard test..still not over..still have tomorrow..but Tati is keeping me busy..very busy..so I guess that helps, but it feels like something is missing...you are missing..and I am missing you..

My daughter, My princess:
Please know that I am proud of you. That you did a good job today. I know it was a hard day, a hard week, waiting and wishing for some nechama..but you did it, you made it, be proud of yourself. I know that you are tired..but remember that  you are growing..growth is good. "When water stands still it stagnates". You stagnated a bit while you were away, and I know it has been hard getting back..missing a day of Mincha, not learning Chumash..I know its been hard, a test of balance..You have a long way to go. I know that its hard to hear that, but don't worry, I'm always here for you, whenever you need me, wherever you are, no matter what I love you unconditionally. Please come back to me..you have gone a bit far..farther than I would like. Now you see why it was such a week? I wanted to bring you back..I don't want to let you go. Don't worry about anything..but please do not forget about me, that I am here, waiting for you and guiding you. Get a good night rest my dear daughter, sleep well, I promise you will wake up a new person, ready to fight the yetzer hara, ready for battle, armed  for victory. I am here for you, forever and always. Soon, very soon, will be a Shabbos for all eternity..speedily, in our days."

Good Shabbos and Chodesh Tov :)

Oh and just as an update to my dear friends and readers, I am finally going back to school, after a year and a half break. I begin in February at a local college near my home in LA. I will also completely withdraw from Stern college, where the journey began..also, please be patient with me, I will B"H make a photo album of my trip to Australia and New Zealand. Mazal Tov to all the kallahs and new mommys! Mazal Tov Rachel Rivka on coming home after such a long wait! May we only share in simchas together, with the ultimate simcha of Moshiach tzidkeinu, Bimheyra Byameinu!